I think that maybe you don’t stop loving people. Maybe certain people come into our lives at certain times, and you each fulfill something in the other. That is a truly beautiful, miraculous and special experience that should not be undervalued. But perhaps that isn’t necessarily supposed to last? Although I crave it, I am very skeptical of traditional relationship structures, and of finding ‘The One’ - or at least when you are young. I am constantly battling with my heart betraying my ability to rationalise, and I know I will fall for the idea of love again. But I think the ‘love’ we’re taught to believe in, pursue and demand is closer to an idea of possession. While I strongly believe it’s essential to be considerate of others and remain completely honest, the notion of “cheating” or extreme emphasis on expecting one person to fulfill all our needs forever is perhaps outdated and unrealistic.
At the start of this breakup, I was completely devastated. I felt like something had been ripped out from inside me. Undoubtedly, I miss the aspects one would expect. I miss thinking about someone else’s happiness. I miss giving and receiving support. I miss falling asleep with a person I love. But with space and time I can see that those things can and should have a time limit, and that we should want more from ourselves and others than comfort and support. I understand why he wasn’t comfortable being comfortable with me. More than anything I miss the friendship, but perhaps that will come.
I have no doubt that we both love each other very much, and that we will continue to for a long time. I don’t think that goes away. And while I agree it’s important to move on, I don’t necessarily think you ‘get over’ people that you love. You collect those feelings of love and joy and heartbreak and carry them with you. We are the sum of all our parts and past.
I am still raw and some things are still broken, but I feel strength in this vulnerability. I miss the innocence of ignorance, but now I understand why we need to leave each other to grow.